The Hardest Part of The Adoption Process

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT (OOPS! NOT EDITED!)

Lucrece Bundy  0:00  

I really like talking to you guys about adoption. And I like talking about all the amazing things about it. And really helping you guys understand how to do the process to make it easier for you. But adoption is also really hard. And I know it’s all about videos I’ve mentioned about how hard adoption is in the truth about adoption and the process and things like that.

But in this video, I just want to talk about the different parts of the adoption process that are really hard that, you know, usually having a counselor or somebody to talk to really helps you go through it, because there’s so much emotion involved in adoption, from the time that, you know, pregnant mom decides to make the decision to place the baby for adoption all the way until the baby either stays with mom, or I suppose with adoption, there are so much that happens during, you know, those months that it’s, it’s serious, emotional rollercoaster.

So, you know, what I find is that a lot of people, they start the adoption. And really, the number one thing that’s really hard for folks is the unknown. Okay. And that’s something that it’s so hard, because no one can guarantee you the outcome of your adoption. All we can say is, this is the best way for you to get positioned to do it. Well, this is the best way to go about it. This is how the process works. But at the end of the day, no one can give you 100% guarantee that that baby’s actually going to come home, right.

And so that makes it so hard, because as well intentioned as a lot of adoption professionals are or friends and family in your circle. And as much as you want to, you know, believe in those support and all that stuff, it’s still really hard when you go to sleep at night, you’re still wondering like, Is this really going to actually work? Am I really going to be able to bring that child home that I’ve dreamed about for so long? And that’s really hard about the adoption. And I find that that’s one of the things that actually keep people from taking that step a lot of times is because of the unknown. They’re like, well, if I can guarantee it, then I’m just going to not do it, you know.

And that’s just something that no matter what type of adaption you want to do, you just have to take that leap of faith, you know, and hope that it’s going to work out in the end. And so that’s kind of like the first phase of the hardest part of the adoption processes, even starting it, and trying to figure out like the certainty piece, then, once you’re brave enough to actually start the adoption process, and you start a new home study, and all those other things that come with the adoption process.

Now you’re dealing with, you know, professionals and caseworkers that unresponsiveness like how many of you would you say that you’ve called an agency, you know, whether it was DHHS in your state, or some private agency, or some lawyer and you haven’t heard back from them? Show of hands? or comment below, let me know. So it’s like, man, you just can’t get a break. Right?

You start the second the actually the adaption process now, and now you’re like, nobody’s giving me a call back, I actually really want to adapt these, you know, sibling group, and I’m getting rejected left and right. Um, I actually knew a family who had, you know, given their profiles to, I don’t know, some crazy number, like 10, or 20, states for adoption. And they were all rejected, because the states were looking for families in their own states to adopt those kids. And I’m thinking man, yes, the state always talks about how they need foster parents, they always talk about how they will move people with a step forward. But then when people step forward, then they put up all these walls that actually keep people from adopting, right. So they have silly rules, like, we only want families in our state to adopt the kids in foster care. Well, if no one is coming forward in that state to adopt that kid, why wouldn’t you let you know a family from another state that that then now, of course,

I understand, you know, this is where they’ve lived their whole lives, school, friends, all that kind of thing, you will have to consider all of that. But my point is, there are families who are willing, and then after the start the adoption process, the hardest part, then is just waiting, hoping somebody’s going to call you back, you know, and trusting that your caseworker actually has your best interests in mind. And, you know, doing what they said they’re doing, okay.

Now, when you get to the tail end of the adoption process, let’s say you adopting a newborn, or you adopting out of foster care, right, and that child is now in your home or for a newborn, you’re going to the hospital to meet that baby, right? And you get there and you have the shock of your life. Mom, you know, didn’t tell you that baby had some type of mental condition because she was afraid that you might change your mind.

Or you find that that mom has changed her mind. And she chose another couple that didn’t bother to tell you or there was a whole set of other things that could go wrong, right. So you’ve gone through the whole process. Now you’re at the end of it. And now you’re running into another roadblock, which is so hard because at that point, you’ve already invested money, you’ve built some type of relationship with the mom. And, you know, it’s just like you’ve built yourself up, there’s all these hopes, and you’ve got the crib and the room is ready, and the baby step is ready. And now it’s you’re coming home with no baby.

Okay, so I, like I said earlier, I really love encouraging people to adopt, because there are so many kids that need to be adopted. But I wouldn’t be be remiss if I don’t talk about how hard this process actually is, when you’re going through it, you know, the emotional rollercoaster because at the end of the day, we’re dealing with a tiny human, and big humans who are just trying to love these tiny humans. And all of it is messy. It’s so messy.

And so I just want to encourage you today, you know, if you are, you know, thinking about adoption, and you’re thinking, man, it’s so uncertain, I don’t even know if I want to start it. I want to encourage you that every single person who wants to adapt feels the same way like this is common for everyone, you’re not alone. And I want to tell you that I’m cheering you on. And if you really have a hard to adapt, to really stop to consider what I talked about in this video, consider the roadblocks that may come your way.

Because if you really prepare your heart for the potential roadblocks, and you do it anyway, it just helps you get through so much easier than if you think it’s going to be perfect and smooth and nothing is gonna go wrong. And then you’ll encounter you know, a lot of difficulties. So anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that yes, the adoption process is hard. The hardest part is starting. But some people will say no, the hardest part is when you’re in the middle waiting for people to call you back.

Some will say the hardest part is when you have a failed adaption. Okay, but it’s all relative depends on your own story and where you’re at. So, I hope this video encourages you that I hear you, it’s hard for everybody. But I want to encourage you to keep going back to give up especially if there’s something that you really have you’ve had on your heart for a long, long time to do. All right. Now, if you want to watch more videos about how to adapt, click the link right here and watch this video about how to adapt a newborn. Alright, thanks, guys. Thanks for watching. Bye bye.